Taming the Talker to Listen in a Small Group

Are you in the process of starting another group at our church?  You may want to consider a level three Discipleship Group which means, among other things, you are seriously trying to mentor others, and each person in the group will be by invitation only.  When choosing who will be in the group, one question to keep in mind is, “Will you have a talker to be tamed?”  You know, that is the kind of person who is good for the group but does not allow others to give the input they need to give.  Talkers are valuable people when you need to get the discussion started, but they quickly become a liability for the group discussion when they do not allow others to participate.  

Over the years it seems to me there are some ways that group leaders can reduce the problems a continuous talker can bring.  

1. Before the discussion time begins, explain to the group you would like to have as many people as possible join in the discussion.  This is a subtle hint to the talker to let others discuss, and a hint to everyone else you want their input.  

2. When you ask the talker a question, preface the question by saying, “in only a couple of sentences could you describe...?” 

3. As you ask questions, call out people’s names.  For example: “Paul, could you share your thoughts about...?” This lets the talker know that someone else is being asked the question.

4. Be willing to interrupt the talker.  They must breathe sometime.  You may interrupt by saying, “that is interesting,” then call out another group member’s name and ask them what is their response.  Remember, you will lose respect as a leader and probably lose other people in the group if you are not willing to maintain order so everyone can participate.  

5. When the talker shares too long and you are in a group circle, shift your body away from them and turn your head toward others to send a signal that you are ready for someone else to share. 

6. If the talker is qualified in other areas, train the talker to be a future leader.  During this time you can teach him/her the best small group leader facilitates and listens.  In some discussion times a small group leader is like an orchestra conductor making sure that each instrument is heard and every person maintains mutual respect for others. When emotions are high, a leader is more like a traffic cop directing the flow of thoughts and emotions so hearts that are opened widely will feel safe to share at the nest discussion. 

To Sum It Up:  

Sometimes the talker misses the point when it comes to discussion times.  It is true we come to the discussion to talk but, just as importantly, we come to learn to listen.   

We must learn to listen if we are to grow as a community of believers.  We must learn to listen for the meaning beneath the words of others.  We must learn to listen because, in a community of believers, the conscience of another may speak to us rather than our own.  If the voice of a donkey was used in Scripture to quicken one’s heart, how much more valuable are the life experiences of those around us. In every group let’s pray, “Speak Lord for your servant listens.”