Knowing Others in Your Group

How well do you know the person in your small group or Bible study?  Think seriously about this question. 

I remember when I was leading a small group and I started out with a general ice breaker by saying: tell the group something about yourself that you don't think we already know.  The response was fascinating.  One response in particular caught my attention.  I will call him George.  I knew George was a creative-type person and that he enjoyed working with video (making movies, editing footage, etc).  But what I did not know is that he had actually spent time on a professional shoot with the popular TV series Burn Notice (season five).  George already had more past experiences than most people only dream of for their life.  He also had the battle scars that went with these "now realized dreams".  The funny thing was when he was telling the story, he only alluded to these scars at a single point, and then quickly and quietly changed the subject -- this was all he was ready to reveal at this time.  

This was a reality check for me.  I was ready to jump into my lesson plan, and hopefully wow the group with some mind-blowing facts and even some transformational experiences.  But there I sat with this new group thinking:  who am I really speaking to, and how can I facilitate real life change or transformational experiences if I don't even know what really makes them unique people.  How can I hope to apply the present curriculum to George if I have not taken time to really get to know him?  

Now I know you might say, "well how can we ever know if we really know someone?"  It's almost like asking, "can you draw a perfect circle" knowing that the laws of geometry dictate that it is impossible to draw a perfect circle; at the microscopic level we will always find imperfections.  But the real point is not how perfectly we know mental facts of someone.  Instead the point is this nagging question:  are we taking time out of our weekly schedule to be inquisitive of the people we think we know, so that we can "be Jesus on a more personal level."

Next time you begin your group session, start with a simple little question:  what movie have you watched last and why did you enjoy it, who is your favorite historical person and why, what fictional character do you like and why, etc.  These questions are not just facts about someone.  They open the door into the inner makings of a person...and this is the real person you, as a group leader, are trying to reach and facilitate life change for the Kingdom's sake.  Remember, Jesus had three years to impact his disciples.  Yet, most of the ink used to write the gospels tell of Jesus' last year.  The first two years spent "living life" with Jesus were important, but just in a different way -- they laid the foundation for the third year in which Jesus could change their world forever.   

So feel free to slow down and inquire about your group -- not only may it surprise you, but it may open the door to some unique transformation for unique individuals. 

The Heart of Discipleship

What is Discipleship?  It is more than making homogenous copies of yourself or your most saintly church member.  It is about turning people's orientation toward Jesus, plain and simple.  It is about helping others run passionately after the Jewish Rabbi with all their heart, mind, soul, and strength.    

I don't know about you, but I am not interested in leading a group session where people simply feel like they had a good one-hour Bible study. I don't want to waste my time walking people through the charades of sudo-Christian living where the life change is bland, tasteless, or non-existent.  It has to be about real life change at the end of the day.  That life change may mean new Christians looking more like the Jewish Rabbi called Jesus and less like a good clean-cut person obeying all the rules of an American Christian (no matter how badly we would like for them to be synonymous). 

I'll Just Take My Toys and Walk Away

The other day, my two-year old nephew and his older sister were told by their grandmother to be still and not move.  This had gone on for about thirty minutes of telling both of them to set still and not aggravate each other.  Noticing that his sister was the instigator, the grandmother simply said to her, “I hope if God tells you to do something, you will obey Him.”  My nephew simply looked at his grandmother and said, “Well, if God told me to do something, I would just take my toys and walk away.”  How childlike is that response, so innocent and pure - if I don't like it, I will just "take my stuff and walk away."

I could not help but immediately think about how this applies to community life, both individually and as a collective small group.  How do our members respond when we ask them to share their most precious and fragile possessions?  

Money - it can be replaced, it is only paper.  

Time - it can be made up with a bit of caffeine; by making promises to make it up later; to steal time from sleep or family or even from work when we have to.  

However, what is most precious to everyone?  It’s ourselves, letting down the walls and inviting others to see us as we really are: naked, hurt, fearful, and/or unsure.

It's ironic that so much of our life is spent screaming, "look at me." For example, the cars we drive, clothes we wear, gadgets we buy, and even the language we use has more "I" pronouns and less "we" or "you."  Yet, when the spotlight actually gets turned to us and we are asked to share who we really are, or what we really love, hate, hope for and fear, we quickly clam up and try to put on a "normal" face, a poker face that says we have it all together.  

What if God asked me to share, not my toys, but myself?  How would I respond?  That's a hypothetical question - a safe question to which I can imagine a nice answer.  So, let's look at real life experiences.  How have I responded in the past when God has asked me to share myself with others -- my hopes and fears, my good times and my dark times, the thoughts that race through my head faster than I can give voice to them?  What have I done when God has asked me to share myself with others?  

That is really what community is all about - sharing ourselves with others as we live life together.  It is not always clean and antiseptic.  And sometimes it even smells more like a bathroom than a sterile operating room or laboratory.  But it is real living.  It is community in the truest sense.  And as a counselor once told me, if you want to really experience the joys together, you have to also go through the dark valleys together.  This means being real and open in all areas and in all times of your life together.  

I started off asking how our small group members would respond to this community question - what if God asked them to share?  Then I realized, "as the leader, so goes the group."  So the spotlight is now on you and me.  How do we respond to God's beckoning call to share and live our lives open and transparent within our community?  Do we really want to lead and model the way of perfect love and trust as small group members?  Or will we just take our toys (our most precious possession) and walk away?

"Recalculating" Versus "We Don't Have Time For That"

Do you have one of those GPS systems in your car?  What does it say when you take a wrong turn or try to take a short cut to save five minutes?  It does not scream, "YOU IDIOT, can't you even follow basic directions."  No, it simply says, "recalculating," and patiently gives you new directions toward your destination.  Give it a try next time you are in your car.  In fact try making three or four wrong turns.  Every time it will patiently respond, "recalculating."  

The beautiful part of this is that you can now explore other routes to your destination more freely.  Why?  Because you know the destination is the same, but how you get there is more flexible.  There are now new opportunities for self-discovery.   I have found many locally owned coffee shops, independent bookstores, or even quiet roads to travel on a fall day, just by taking a wrong turn (even by choice) and later recalculating to my destination.  

Imagine if you will, a community-focused GPS box that could assist you in leading your small group to its desired destination.  How nice would that be?  How do you think that GPS assistant would react to the weekly distractions that plague you?  Would it say, "I'm sorry, but we don't have time for that just now” or "thank you for that interesting opinion, but now back to the original question."  Or, would it patiently respond with "recalculating.” 

Sometimes we approach our small groups with the question, "what do they need to learn?"  What we really mean is "what knowledge do I need to impart to them?"  We then build our lesson plan like it was a chapter from Wikipedia, packed full of information:  what does this word mean in Hebrew or Greek, what commentary source do I need to read to really understand the deeper meanings, what was going on culturally during the time of this passage of scripture.  And when someone then asks "a wrong question" that threatens to derail our perfect five-point lesson plan, we grab the steering wheel with both hands like we are trying to navigate a speeding car as it races down a highway plagued with icy patches.  

Try this little experiment:  during your next group session, when someone introduces a question that threatens to be a rabbit trail going far off course, just whisper to yourself, "recalculating - what is my real destination and how does this new information guide me to that point."  Chances are if one person is asking an unexpected question, others may be thinking similar questions.  And remember that learning happens in the moment - not when we are just learning new facts, but when those new facts are introduced in our present day situations.  

So, take that right turn and let the group go down an occasional rabbit trail.  It's not a sign of loosing control or throwing out the directions.  It just means your responsibility as a leader includes "recalculating."

Side note:  why do we call them rabbit trails and not rabbit to-no-where?  The answer:  because they do in fact lead somewhere.  All roads were once trails, and all trails were once unexplored brush that only a rabbit had the sense to explore.  

Follow the rabbit!

Sunday School and Saints

We need to bridge yesterday’s saints with our present-day disciples.  Many of our present-day disciples will never relate to Saint Augustine, Saint Jerome, or even Saint Ambrose.  They cannot place a face with those names.  However, we do remember those with some saintly characteristics who have passed on in our lifetime.  The lessons from their lives can be guides and pathways to inspire our present churches and Sunday Schools.  Like saints of distant history, those passing on in recent years were not perfect but they, too, received grace and exemplified God’s glory.  God has not left our Sunday Schools without saints to emulate.     

Years ago, arriving at another church as Pastor, I met a layperson by the name of George.  He, in many minds, was considered Mr. Sunday School and over time I came to agree with them. 

On numerous occasions, George would meet me for breakfast to go over his Sunday School enrollment sheet.  George would literally go over every name on his enrollment and give me a detailed update on their spiritual walk. He would then ask that we pray for each of them individually.   Eating breakfast with George would always take two to three hours because of his detail and concern for every person on his list.  

As you might have guessed, he was a great shepherd of his Sunday School flock. At his passing, believers and unbelievers, both young and old, spoke of the weekly contacts he made with them over the years.  

Today, it is my honor to remind our present-day teachers and students of the saintly love that George had for his class.  What a special moment it is when one of our teachers hear the words of affirmation, “you remind me of George.”  Such a complement does not deify George, but reminds us all of how deity can infill any mortal with passionate love for a Sunday School class.     

Eusebius of Caesarea, a bishop of the church in the fourth century, is considered to be the first true church historian.  He emphasized the importance of studying the apostles, martyrs, and church fathers who had preceded him.  While retracing their steps, Eusebius said, “we hear them, as it were, ‘raising their voices as a man holds up a torch from afar, calling to us from on high as from a distant watch-tower, and telling us how we must walk, and how to guide the course of our work without error or danger’” (Ecclesiastical History 1:1 by Eusebius of Caesarea).  

All of our churches have a history of individuals in which God developed saintly characteristics.  We need to remember their lives as benchmarks for what God can do through us.  

May Christians in our day not only aspire to be like Paul and Matthew but also like George.  After all, we have personally known George and, from one generation to another, “God does not show favoritism” (Romans 2:11 NIV).  God is still making saints through our Sunday Schools. 

Characteristics of a Small Group Leader

Here are eight characteristics that successful small group leaders share.  The list is not exhaustive but is still challenging as we persistently maintain our focus.  The leader:   

1. Continually imagines what an effective small group would look like and envisions his/her group reaching that level of excellence.   

2. Not only prays for the group members daily, but asks God’s direction to develop each member’s spiritual gifts. 

3. Is presently making a list of potential people and gaining their commitments to begin the next group when the present one is completed.

4. Is presently training two people in the present group who will someday lead their own group. 

5. Prepares early in the week for the upcoming lesson.  This allows the Holy Spirit more time to develop ideas for lesson applications within the leader. Deep thoughts without specific personal applications are rarely effective.         

6. Is fellowship sensitive.  Fellowship may take the form of activities such as parties.  However, for groups that are not socially inclined, individual luncheons or activities may be a valuable solution.  

7. Not only thoroughly prepares for upcoming lessons but maintains personal contact with group members.  It is important to remember, being close relationally to group members allows the leader to be more aggressive in challenging individuals spiritually.   

8. Realizes you can only hold people accountable for what they say they will do.  This is true, whether mentoring individuals or leading a group through its various stages of maturity.    

Whatever characteristics you would want to add to this list, feel free to do so.  More importantly, remember none of us will lead our groups forever.  Someone will take our place.  Years from now, what might others say about your leadership characteristics?  Someone once looked back and wrote:  

We that had loved him so, followed him, honored him,
Lived in his mild and magnificent eye,
Learned his great language, caught his clear accents,
Made him our pattern to live and to die!

“The Lost Leader” -- Robert Browning

Enjoy leading your group!

Some Characteristics of a Discipler

A discipler is someone who disciples someone else. A disciple is someone who is being discipled. We should all be disciplers as well as being discipled.  Here are some characteristics of a discipler:

1. A discipler makes an on-purpose effort to invest his/her life into someone else’s life.  The purpose of this effort is not limited to getting someone to attend church or getting him/her saved, but to train him/her to disciple someone else.

2. A discipler begins by praying and asking God who does He want them to disciple.    If Jesus took time to pray before he chose his special twelve, how much more should we pray and ask for wisdom.  Could it be true, most Christians have never earnestly prayed and asked God specifically on whom should they focus their energies.  Just a note:  when we do pray this prayer, we should not be surprised if God chooses someone outside our family members, present acquaintances, or comfort zones.

3. A discipler gets to know the disciple on a personal basis.  A relationship must be built in a setting other than when we casually see someone at church.

4. A discipler gives specific guidance to the one being discipled. He/she does not tell someone to read the Bible, they tell him/her where good places are to begin.

5. A discipler is patient.  When people are being discipled, sometimes they may fall back into old habits or lifestyles.  They need to know they are loved even when they have failed.  Also, they need to know you still believe they can be a more mature saint someday.  Salvation is instantaneous but true discipleship is a long process.

6. Early in the process, the discipler coaches the disciple to seek God for a name of someone else who needs to be discipled.  Discipling someone else will increase accountability, and the new disciple will mature quicker as he/she disciples someone else.  This maturity occurs because, when someone else is looking to him/her for strength and spiritual consistency, he/she relies more on God’s strength.  Also, when the one we are discipling comes to us for questions, we learn not only how to help ourselves but how to help others.  The most teachable person to disciple is presently being discipled and is also discipling someone else.   

Jesus admonished us to “go and make disciples” (Matt. 28:19 NIV).  To the degree we do not see the importance of going and the importance of the discipler-discipling process, we do not understand the weakness of our humanity or the depth of the richness of the spiritual maturity to which Christ is calling us.  May all of us be His disciplers.

What are they thinking?

At the beginning of the church year, it is always good to find out where your group members are in their minds.  What are they thinking?  To help assess this mystery, spiritual checkups are just as valuable as getting a physical checkup from the doctor.  Checkups are important because they can reveal to us if our small group members have been growing spiritually, if their concepts about the small group or even the church have changed in the last year, or other valuable information.  Also, checkups help us determine if our methods in teaching are effective, to what degree our students are maturing in their faith, and what specific subjects the teacher needs to address in the future.  

To help solve the mystery of what our students are really thinking, hand out a “what are you thinking?” response sheet before you plan next year’s teaching goals.  As you read the returned responses, the guide can be helpful to you and the pupils as they contemplate what they are thinking. 

Here are some specific areas in which the students can fill in the blank or complete the thought:

1.  I wish the Bible gave more specific information about...

2.  If Jesus lived in my circumstances, the first thing He would do is...

3.  One specific result of salvation taking place in a person’s life is...

4.  One thing the Holy Spirit revealed to me this past year was...

5.  I enjoy my small group because...

6.  I minister to others by...

7.  When the church, as a whole, brings up the subject of...I get excited. 

8.  One thing I believe God has told me is...

9.  People seem to notice I am used of God when I (do what?) ...

10. When I get to heaven, God might say, “you sacrificed for Me by...”

11.  When I think of my small group, the first thing I think about is...

12.  My group is important to me because... 

I have written twelve statements to which students can respond.  However, you may choose more or fewer statements for your students.  Because these are probing in nature, having fewer statements to respond to can give more time for thoroughness.      

Sometimes teachers tend to believe their students have not changed during the last year.  They have.  Over time, both teachers and students tend to soften or harden in their belief systems.  The question is not have we changed, but how much or in what way?  A challenge of every teacher is to initiate thinking in the group so both the teacher and pupils will know where they are and where they need to go. 

D.H. Lawrence opens up thinking in his poem on ‘Thought’:

• Thought is the welling up of unknown life into consciousness,
• Thought is the testing of statements on the touchstone of the conscience.
• Thought is gazing onto the face of life, and reading what can be read,
• Thought is pondering over experience, and coming to a conclusion.
• Thought is not a trick, or an exercise, or a set of dodges,
• Thought is a man in his wholeness wholly attending.

Sunday School and Small Groups are not only a place to fellowship and pray but to “think” and be continually reintroduced to ourselves.  In the Old Testament, the Psalmist had a new moment of self-realization when he wrote, “Within your temple, O God, we meditate on your unfailing love” (Psalm 48:9, NIV).   In the New Testament, Jesus asked a probing question, “What do you think about the Christ?” (Matthew 22:42, NIV).

In your small group, what probing statements or questions will initiate thinking?  The Holy Spirit will help us as we solve the mystery -- “what are they thinking?”

Teaching and Remembering

Most teachers and preachers attempt to cover too much material in one session of teaching.  We can tend to believe the more information we carry into a classroom, the better.  However, it is better to teach less material in a way the class will remember it than to throw out many impressive facts that will not be remembered in five minutes.  This kind of thinking is not a license to prepare less, but rather a reminder to truly teach so the students can remember what is taught.   

Teaching so students will remember what is being taught involves several facets: 

1.  Do in-depth study and research for the lesson you are going to teach.  You will find normally find more information than you will need.  

2.  Cut out everything your have studied except the absolute key ideas your class or group needs to be taught.  This is a critical stage.  Remember, it is not the number of thoughts you take into the class that matters, but rather the number of ideas the students leave with.  

3.  Focus and focus again on these key thoughts you have chosen.  The earlier in the week you decide what these thoughts are, the more creative time your mind will have before you teach on Sunday.   

4.  Be sure these thoughts are listed in a simple way that can be easily taught and remembered.  If the thoughts are complicated and hard for you to remember, they will be close to impossible for the students to remember.     

5.  Arrive at your class or group realizing that curriculum only gives information.  Ultimately, curriculum does not communicate.  Communication is left in the hands of the teacher.  

6.  During your teaching time, use the five senses and other means for the new truths to take hold.  Help them to hear, taste, smell, see, and even feel with a touch what you are teaching.  

7. Do not simply give out information and go on to a final prayer to close your class.  Repeat and repeat again the simple truths they need to take with them.  If need be, play a game or take time for people to describe what something would feel like or smell like.  For example, tell your class the passage you will be teaching on next Sunday and ask them to come and share some details as to what they see in the story.  

In short, none of us have prepared enough, unless we have prepared a way in which people will remember our teachings.  This is how Jesus taught.  In learning, people still want to experience truths rather than be told the truths exist.  Many times, Jesus taught by telling a story.  He only gave a few truths at a time in His stories, but the impact was so powerful some of his followers remembered enough to write a gospel.  Others were so impacted they ultimately crucified Him. 

A prayer for all of us is, “Dear God, not only help me to prepare but, when I am finished, help them to remember what was taught.”

Shaping the Church's Future Through A New Discipleship Group

When we begin a new Discipleship Group, with shaping the future of the church in mind, there are several key factors for every leader to remember.  Such key factors must never be abandoned as the group continues.  These factors include: 

1. Remember you are training each group participant to think theologically.  Also, you are leading them individually to courageously explore their personal past and rethink how they arrive at theological answers. 

2.  Remember, in most cases, you are learning to relate to future leaders of the church.  Class discussions and problem-solving moments are only rehearsals that are preparing us to work together in the future.

3.  Remember, you are training them to fulfill the Vision Statement of the Church.  Nowhere else can this be taught so easily, as personal mentoring becomes part of the process.

4.  Remember, as new people come into the church, the personal identity of the church is always being affected.  Just as individuals have a personality, so do churches.  When the need exists, Discipleship is a great place for the present personal identity of the congregation to be better tweaked.           

5.  Remember to choose people for Discipleship who are teachable and willing to be trained in their ideology and philosophy of what the life of the church is all about.  

6.  Remember to look for future doors of change the church’s congregation needs to go through and allow these, if suitable, to be part of the Discipleship’s discussion.  These can become part of the group’s problem- solving exercises when discussing faith, commitment, and discerning God’s will.

To sum it up: 

The writer of Proverbs reminds us all that iron sharpens iron. In the Amplified Version, Proverbs 27:17 reads, “Iron sharpens iron: so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend [to show rage or worthy purpose].”  Shaping the church’s future sounds like a long hard tedious task when we think of pieces of cold iron.  Teachers of groups shape groups, and groups shape their teachers.  Both are continually agents of the Holy Spirit as the future of the church is shaped by Discipleship.  If there is any friction around you, make the most of it. Iron does sharpen iron and he who has begun a good work in you will complete it.  Real Discipleship always shapes the church’s future.   

Happy Discipling!!